I'm buried in work, droopy-eyed, sleepy, and dreading the office tomorrow. And yet I'm excited because I'm blogging for the first time... I'm sitting on the floor with my laptop on my lap, my legs spread forward and crossed, half-listening to a show my friend is watching on TV--something about how a couple of sadistic killers a la Natural Born Killers recorded the screams of their victims during Nazi-era Germany, and then would listen to the tapes during sex to get off. It's actually super explicit, morbid stuff--hard to stomach--but maybe because it's the Discovery Channel the show gets a pass with the PTA crowd. I still believe it should deserve a bit of tsk-tsking. And now that I think of it, I didn't even know they had tape recorders during the 1930's in Europe... sounds totally made up to me. Intense, but made up.
Everything I see or listen to in the media lately sounds completely bogus and fabricated--from the news I read online each morning, to reality TV, to the morning radio broadcasting nutty traffic reports, everything seems neither here nor there. And yet, on a strange, spiritual level, I find it all both comforting and motivating. Because at the end of the day, what is "true" anyway, and do I even want it?
Fleeting--that's where it's at. If it's not here to stay, it's that much more significant. The world keeps turning, wildly, quickly, pulling me in different directions, and when I manage to ease up and listen, I always find a couple of hidden treasures that stop me in my tracks and leave me wide-eyed. What was it for me today? The show on the Discovery Channel? Not so much. It was the tropical drizzle in the evening, the unexpected digital pat on the back this morning, and right now, it's starting this blog, which makes me feel shiny and new.