Kooky Randomness to Beat the Block

I was contemplating the other day, as I was trying to come up with something to write about, that my creative process is jump-started by and oftentimes flows handsomely from slapdash yet specific, fixed ideas.

Case in point: I was stuck on my screenplay, not knowing how to move the plot forward when, out of the blue — and during a very unrelated yet heated discussion on Gchat — a friend of mine jokingly hurled a very unusual pseudo-insult at me: He called me an “asshat.” An asshat! Perfect! So snappy! So zany! So PG-13!

The result… My story came alive again. All I needed to do was write “asshat” into the dialogue. The scene practically wrote itself, and now I’m back on track again. The solution, while seemingly nonsensical, was in actuality very elegant and simple (props, Rubenator!).

And this is basically how I beat writer’s block — I force absurd, arbitrary rules on my writing, and then I follow through. Write a sentence with exactly 17 words. Use the rule of three. Pull a quote from a friend’s lame Facebook status update. Use a prepositional phrase separated by an em dash. Use a cliché. Whatever. Not to sound too Nike, but, you know, just do it. I'm also all about this because it’s so pop-postmodern. But I digress.

The road of random leads to the palace of wisdom. Yes? It works for me. It works swimmingly actually, more often than not. Thoughts? What are other good methods to beat the writing heat?

Wacky Wikis That Can Cut: Edgy Alternatives to Wikipedia

As a regular Wikipedia contributor, I've found it's not easy to be as remiss with your entries as many would tend to think. Wikipedia editors pull down anything they deem spamy, overtly commercial, or suspiciously fabricated with lightning-bolt speed. And when they think an article's content is a little off-kilter, they're not at all afraid to slap it with a loud label that questions an entry's neutrality, accuracy, or credibility.

Which is all fine and good. With Wikipedia regularly taking hits from the media both online and off, Wiki gatekeepers have become increasingly dedicated to guarding the veracity and integrity of this mega-contribution site as jealously as possible.

Which has left Wikipedia wanting on some fronts, from my POV. But there's no need to fret: As far as edgy Wikis go, there are a couple that are a cut above the rest.

As a "slang dictionary” built around user definitions, UrbanDictionary.com has been able to tap directly into the online pipeline by capturing the evolution of e-language with Polaroid-style instancy, leaving "innovative" and "serious" propositions like Wikipedia in the dust.

Thanks to the veritable flood of contributions from opinion-prone, avant garde onliners hellbent on molding, owning, and leveraging everything from techno idioms and pop-speak phenomena to niche-centered language, UrbanDictonary has become the go-to resource for e-trend setters, Internet anthropologists, and cool hunters alike.

And then there are sites like Encyclopedia Dramatica, which turn the notion of the Wiki on its head by taking on an unapologetic, eff-you attitude with a decided punk rock style. If sarcasm, irreverence and dark humor are not your cup 'o tea, better hightail it back to the land of mainstream online media (yawn), and leave this site to the big boys.

So remember: If you wish to ready yourself for a stint as a high-profile blogger/commenter or evolve into a bona fide online connoisseur, make note of keeping UrbanDictonary and Encyclopedia Dramatica at the top of your del.icio.us bookmarks list. If anything, they'll help you find your way in an ever-changing digital landscape. Thoughts?

Wordsmiths, Wield Your Sassy Social Consciousness!

I don’t mean to come across as completely insensitive, but social causes shepherded online usually rub me the wrong way. Cause invitations on Facebook are by far the most annoying: They’re pat and patronizing and a complete waste of my time. I seriously doubt that joining an online cause will magically-inexplicably put a dent on the world’s most insidious problems.

But today, I ran across a great site that helps you simultaneously improve your English skills and your social karma. Awesome! Now here's a cause I'm glad to sink my teeth into.

If you’re a word junkie like me, you’ll greatly appreciate FreeRice.com, an offshoot of the socially conscious world poverty site poverty.com. FreeRice promises to donate 20 grains of rice for every guess-the-synonym question you answer correctly on their site. Go ahead and put your knowledge of Webster's to the test. How much rice can you chalk up for those who need it the most?

What I really like about this site is that it helps you grow as a writer, it conveys an immediate sense of urgency when it comes to world hunger, and it prompts you to act on this urgency. And for those with a competitive edge, this social-aid-site-cum-verbal-quiz-machine also keeps score.

Offsetting your carbon footprint is sooo five minutes ago. After all, it’s not much fun to help save the world or whatever if you can’t get something out of it yourself, right? So play the game, donate some rice, and let me know how you fared!

Jazz Up the Internets with Sonic Images and Sound Events

Reading is a highly visual exercise, not only because eying a snippet of text is a visual act in-and-of-itself, but also because words and phrases call on memory and abstract association to evoke shapes, moving images and mental pictures.

This is especially true when it comes to ad copy, as most advertising is crafted so users “see” precisely what it is they're about to gain or miss out on. Evoking mental images through brisk, pithy and colorful writing is a proven, seductive way of piquing consumer interest, and produces effective calls to action.

Something I also try to do when authoring any piece of writing is to cater to the sense of sound. Whenever possible, I use alliteration, loud words, musicality, onomatopoeia, and other sonorous literary devices to spark auditory buzzes in the reader’s mind. This way, words not only pop in a user’s head, but seem also come at them as if mouthed from within earshot.

And today, the interactive space is not simply about seeing, it is also about hearing. As I roam online for juicy bits of information or plug away at work, I’m almost always listening to streaming radio and pretending I’m droppin’ it like it’s hot. Every so often, I’ll also download a podcast or two. And for the most part, I’m pleasantly surprised when I land on a corporate webpage that employs sound in ways innovative.

Do you know the difference between a sound event and a sonic image? You should, if you wish to learn how to leverage audio online without annoying the hell out of everyone. Check out this insightful article from iMedia Connection for a crash course on auditory website enhancements. It’s an eye- (or ear?) opener, and includes several real-life examples of how on-target audio cues are used by companies to further consolidate their branding online.

Does this ring true to you? What do you think are the best ways to use sound effects as auditory flashbulbs on the Web?

Screenwriters Call Dibs on Profit 2.0

So Hollywood screenwriters are all up in arms about not getting enough dough from Web 2.0 and are calling a strike. Basically, they're fighting over residuals from new media and compensation over work distributed through mobile and online. They want their cut, and they want it now. The consequence is clear: If there's no settlement, the world will suddenly be devoid of those hokey scripts churned out daily out of LA that seem to keep this globe a-turnin'. Reality TV might take over for good. Reruns could rule the land.

Hmm. Ok, I get it. That could be serious. I think. But my question is: Do these copywriters know anything about Web 2.0 that they seem so adamant about collecting from it? I'm all for writers getting paid for their work, but part of me can't help but think this is just a bunch of entitled geeks gunning for the studios so they can keep pretending they're cool and influential or whatever.

My point is, if these Hollywood screenwriters understand new media so profusely, why aren't they using technology to their advantage, rallying troops online, using 2.0 to spread their word (content), and stirring up some support on the Web? And why, when things are down to the wire, haven't they been able to churn out an effective and realistic proposal to monetize their work online, aside from a percentage of DVD sales?

To me, this seems another case of old media realizing too late in the game that the Web is driving nails into their coffin; they're desperately vying to hold on to good days gone by. And producers are doing the impossible to prevent others from taking a dip in their revenue stream, whether it comes from online or off.

Old media can blow chunks, and will inevitably blow away like daffodils in a storm. Soon this will all just be a flash in the pan. Is it really that big a deal if prime time takes a hit? I don't think so. Bring on those reruns. Want to see where scriptwriting is headed? Click here for a sneak peek. It might not be award-winning work, but it evidences this much: The testing grounds for new entertainment--both from an artistic and a business standpoint--are being laid out on the pages of MySpace and YouTube, not on cable or network TV.

So what do you think? Are the screenwriters' demands totally called for, or is this just old media wriggling desperately to survive a changing landscape? Can the Internet somehow strip this strike of its intended impact?

Infoterrorism Unhinged — And Redefined

Terrorism on the Web is by no means spectacular, especially if you are one of those assembly-line jihadist jerks jonesing for media attention and hoping to garner some of that sought-after shock and awe for your own screwy cause. After all, it’s not as cinematic as blowing up buildings, and the experience will be devoid of rattled, helpless infidels running for their lives all bloodied and dazed. No gore, no good.

It’s no secret, however, that terrorists are adept at using information technology to power up their efforts to spread their injurious ideology and recruit many an ignorant Mr. chip-on-his-shoulder as zealously as possible. But information terrorism seems to be, ostensibly, a far more sophisticated concept than that which any religiously-fueled and violently-punctuated movement could ever leverage with skill. Check out this definition of infoterrorism, courtesy of Infoterror.com:

"Infoterrorism is the art of disrupting the media control of your enemies by pointing out paradox… it is transacted mainly through writing."

Democratic undertones, literary innuendo, resilience... Okay... I’m down with that, sure. In fact, It sounds like something I would be happy to sink my teeth into. I wonder if I’ve already dabbled in some form of information terrorism, as I feel I’ve used my writing to deconstruct and claw at societal assumptions and media fortresses myself, from this very blog.

To be honest, I thought information terrorism meant cyber-attacks on corporate IT systems—not so, according to some online thinkers. Which is all the better: At times, running counterculture against established media seems like my cup ‘o tea. But the question remains, am I bold (or crazy) enough to call myself an infoterrorist? Are you?

When Big Words Blur

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? He thinks I don't know the ten-dollar words. I know them all right. But there are older and simpler and better words, and those are the ones I use.”
—Ernest Hemingway

The oldest trick in the book when it comes to writing is also the most trite and transparent. One thing I’ve learned throughout the years as I’ve evolved and matured as a writer is that writing is effective only when the author has something to say and says it concisely. This demands the use of carefully-selected words to paint as precise a picture as possible. In the digital realm especially, being pithy is the rule of thumb.

Long-winded copy is a surefire sign that the person who penned it had little to nothing to say, and simply wants to impress or confuse his or her audience. This is especially true when a so-called scribe moans unimaginatively on and on without vigor or focus. Talk about smoke and mirrors!

For a light-hearted jest at clotted writing, check out this automatic online complaint letter generator, courtesy of my friend alf. To use it, simply populate the fields with the name and info of anyone whom you wish to bitch about and hit “Complain.” The tool will instantly generate a meandering complaint letter that says absolutely nothing of substance but does so in perfect grammar and “impressive” English. Check out a snippet of the missive I generated for myself:

“Juan is lacking in the social graces. In reaching that conclusion, I have made the usual assumption that I strive to be consistent in my arguments. I can't say that I'm 100% true to this but Juan's frequent vacillating leads me to believe that his older taradiddles were unpleasant enough.”

Wha? I’m flippant and socially ungraceful? Who knows. Who cares! At least I know that today, I don’t have to resort to the kind of writing trick that leaves readers spinning and scratching their heads.

When You Care Enough to Hit Send

Sometimes life comes at you hard and fast. Sometimes you’re so bogged down with work you don’t know whether to jump out the window or take out everyone around you. Whatever happened to the unfettered life of parties, pleasantries, and play? Was it ever really real? Who knows! Who cares! Work is work, and it needs to get done. For now, I can take solace in the fact that somehow there is always humor in stressful situations, and if we take time to laugh at these (and ourselves), we can prevent frustration from taking too heavy a toll.

So on this note: I would like to recommend my website pick of the week, Someecards.com: the sarcastic/jaded/ironic answer to Hallmark’s cheeseball e-cards e-mail service. I especially recommend the workplace cards—the humor is sharp, acidic, and double-edged. These cards have never rung more true with me than today, when I am stuck at the office on a super-rainy Saturday, hustling to get things done on time for a big-shot client that doesn’t seem to make up its mind. One card I feel is spot-on reads “I’m not convinced we’ve wasted enough time on this.” Hehehe...

On a side note: What really gets me about impossibly tight deadlines--the one I'm on right now has sentenced me to a weekend at the office--is not the daily grind this demands during the last few days before the actual work is due; it’s the fact that I get so laser-focused that I can’t seem to fit anything else into my brain. The result: Finding the time and the words to write out of pure pleasure becomes a daunting task. But with sardonic sites like Someecards.com ridiculing the absurdity of life, love, and work, my need for therapy loses urgency. Because in the end, as one of the cards ominously points out: “When life gets overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die." Nice.

A Cliché by Any Other Name

As a writer, I’m always looking for just the right words to accurately describe situations, objects, and ideas, and oftentimes I find myself resorting to the use of clichés to do so. Does this mean I am a lazy writer, or does it somehow show superior skill when it comes to putting together sentences? The question haunts me almost daily. I am never completely convinced if I should steer clear of clichés or if I should leverage them. After all, they've been used so many times by so many different people that they've lost their expressive power, right? Will using a cliché help me bring my point home or simply make my writing seem trite?

To wrap your head around just what I am talking about, check out ClicheSite.com, the site with the largest list of clichés, euphemisms, and figures of speech, “complete with definitions and explanations.” For a writer, this site can be a treasure trove of inspiration, a literary toolbox of sorts. Or can it? I’m inclined to think that many phrases listed in this site are value-added expressions that can offer relevance and immediacy when it comes to our day-to-day conversations, and in most instances can be more effective than any high-brow term or far-reaching phrase that could be used in their place. But I also believe that relying too heavily on clichés will render your writing innocuous and give it a pre-fabricated feel, leaving readers with a stale, styrofoamy aftertaste. Writing should be lively, original and engaging, not an robotic exercise saturated with grammatical one-trick ponies and pre-packaged literary devices coming at you rapid-fire style.

Does it all depend on the audience you intend to reach? Ah, there’s the rub. Some think of clichés as roadkill metaphors, and maintain that using them in writing is simply a shortcut to thinking--no matter who the audience is. Other opine that when carefully selected, clichés will actually spice up even the must dull, threadbare writing (technical documentation, anyone?). Whether a stymied writer or clever word artist, using clichés is almost always a tricky ordeal. The best way to use a cliché? Turn it upside down and inside out to convey something entirely new; that way you’ll be sure to make waves with your readers by cleverly pounding them with surprises. Yes?

The Shallow End of the Bitstream

I find myself on the very outer rims of the digital Long Tail, and while I realize there might be purpose to my writing, I would like to dig deeper and move closer to the vortex of cyberspace. I want to engage in compelling conversation and connect with other like-minded and not-so-like-minded individuals, but am still at a loss as to how to do it. I am realizing that finding something semi-interesting to write about periodically and being confident and on point every time is tough stuff.

I'm trussed to nothing and floating freely--a celestial body at the tail end of a stellar whip swirling around far away from the center of an already super-saturated galaxy. What does it take to venture father in to the deep, cut-throat waters of the World Wide Web, were only the mightiest rise to the top, without getting burned or burnt out in the process? I tend to believe I have what it takes to create a space for myself without much difficulty, but it will all depend on the vibrancy of my posts and the compelling, sticky quality of my writing.

For me, it seems that my creative juices flow more freely late at night, when I'm tired and a now familiar lack of lucidity begins to creep and permits a torrent of ideas to flood my usually soppy brain. My day comes into focus and I can reach out up into the stars and pull down bits of thought, then shape these into words and sentences that follow some sort of logical flow. But I still need inspiration, a muse of some sort, a passion that drives me to explore the deepest ends of space and allows me to return with a shiny, attractive pearl that I can share with the digital world. What I can hope for right now is that, between all my lackluster posts, maybe-but-not-really musings, and not-so-hot arguments, there will be one or two that hit a bullseye smack in the middle and forever burn bright.

A Postmodern Writer's First Post: Let's Watch

I'm buried in work, droopy-eyed, sleepy, and dreading the office tomorrow. And yet I'm excited because I'm blogging for the first time... I'm sitting on the floor with my laptop on my lap, my legs spread forward and crossed, half-listening to a show my friend is watching on TV--something about how a couple of sadistic killers a la Natural Born Killers recorded the screams of their victims during Nazi-era Germany, and then would listen to the tapes during sex to get off. It's actually super explicit, morbid stuff--hard to stomach--but maybe because it's the Discovery Channel the show gets a pass with the PTA crowd. I still believe it should deserve a bit of tsk-tsking. And now that I think of it, I didn't even know they had tape recorders during the 1930's in Europe... sounds totally made up to me. Intense, but made up.

Everything I see or listen to in the media lately sounds completely bogus and fabricated--from the news I read online each morning, to reality TV, to the morning radio broadcasting nutty traffic reports, everything seems neither here nor there. And yet, on a strange, spiritual level, I find it all both comforting and motivating. Because at the end of the day, what is "true" anyway, and do I even want it?

Fleeting--that's where it's at. If it's not here to stay, it's that much more significant. The world keeps turning, wildly, quickly, pulling me in different directions, and when I manage to ease up and listen, I always find a couple of hidden treasures that stop me in my tracks and leave me wide-eyed. What was it for me today? The show on the Discovery Channel? Not so much. It was the tropical drizzle in the evening, the unexpected digital pat on the back this morning, and right now, it's starting this blog, which makes me feel shiny and new.