Busting Open the Floodgates of Creativity With Bloody Force!

Hello guys, I’m back! After a long hiatus, I’ve decided to start blogging it out again — which I’m really excited about, as I feel I need to grease the wheels inside my head and get those creative sprockets a’churning. And I’m sure the two or three of you who read my blog are elated as well. Yeah!

So, being the iconoclast I am (ha!), I’ve decided to venture into new territory and write my first screenplay. It’s about a zombie apocalypse. Wait, wait, hear me out! I’m super psyched about it, and it’s coming along quite nicely. I don’t wanna give away too many deets, but I will say it’s helping me evolve as a writer. Fo sho.

Basically, I decided to take a screenwriting class to re-up my creative battery, as I feel that working in advertising has thrown me in a slump of late. Writing copy, I feel like, can work both ways when it comes to your personal creative development — it can either stir you in just the right way by constantly re-booting and reloading your hard drive, or it can numb you by dousing you with boring-ass waves of mind-numbing same-old. So this is me belting out my rebel yell — I refuse to let myself cruise inside a calm cavern of creative complacency.

Anyway, these zombies, the ones in my screenplay — they will cut you. They will eat you. Just like any other zombie in any other zombie movie, I guess — but that’s okay. That’s the point. Just as my creative je ne sais quoi is sputtering and pattering along, turbulent and un-killable, these zombies will come get you with clumsy but unstoppable determination. And eat your brains. Or maybe just dismember you and then use your limbs as baseball bats and your broken bones as makeshift cleavers to saw you off in parts.

So. My Totally Formula Zombie Movie starts off in New York, as we focus in on Eddie, a douchey dude who just got fired from his high-paying job. Despite his recent job loss, he’s financially well off. His problem: spiritual bankruptcy. Contrast! His life is an endless parade of parties, ennui, girls, meh, and blah. But then…

He goes to a party. And this is when the story really kicks into high gear — less than ten minutes into the film. No zombies yet, but we know something’s brewing, coming to a boil in a mere few moments.

Cut to Eddie, after-partying the night away on his friend’s yacht, looking out into the elegantly lit New York City backdrop. And then…BAM! The city loses power. What’s up, what’s going on? Someone turn on the TV, quick. Just static. WTF. Check your computer! Nothing. Phones are dead.What, how? OMFG. Terrorism? Nothing makes sense. Let’s dock the yacht and figure out what’s going on…

Stay tuned for the motion picture, guys. The poster's gonna be killer.

For Pop Treats, Blogger's Too Big, Twitter's Too Small, Tumblr's Just Right

Check out my tumblelog for more postmodern posts, ventral pop videos, and stream-of-consciousness rants and raves, info-nugget style, sans any context. What is a tumblelog, you ask? Think of it as a mini-blog, with twice the flexibility of a regular blog and the same look-at-me-loom and and quirk of a "What am I doing right now?" Web status app.

It's very pop. Sometimes I feel the urge to jump on the latest online bandwagon, and that’s why I’ve decided to fire up my own Tumblr. That, plus the fact that it’s quicker to upload on my tumblelog than on this blog, and I don’t feel that pesky blogger’s pressure that pesters me to wordsmith winning prose on a regular basis. It's totally rad. What are you guys' thoughts on tumblelolgs?

Let's See that Again! 10 Landmark Viral Videos of 2007

Top 10 lists have been bubbling up out of blogosphere with torrential tenacity this year. The Internet is brimming hysterically with them. And who doesn’t love lists, rankings and countdowns? I know I do! And so does everyone else who watches Vh1 or E! or even Animal Planet.

Anyway, this latest top 10 compilation comes straight from Gawker, and it’s one of the craziest and most hysterical I’ve seen so far — it's pure, unadulterated digital shock and awe. So what is it? It's a ranking of the most most popular and pop culturally (ir)relevant viral videos of 2007, of course!

Bet you can't watch any of these just once, no matter how much you try and pry your eyes away. Trust me: You'll be doing double-takes and re-clicking that Play button to get a good glimpse of the nutty goings-on in these videos, many of which I'm positive you've already seen.

Also, I think this list captures online zeitgeist the best, spouting absurd precision and one-up sarcasm with understated charm. The list makes a task of documenting the digital events that made the noisiest splash online this year, stopping Internets in their tracks and making them take notice.

Watch this “marvelous cut-the-chase montage” put together by the Gawker gang over and over again, then snap out of your dumbfounded daze and love on this post with some comments!

“I Personally Believe” These are the Most Illustrious Quotes of 2007

Like such as. Nothing like the Internet to mushroom kooky one-off events into pop cultural phenomena. Below a ranking of the five most memorable quotes of 2007, as reported by Reuters.com (I have no clue as to what metrics they might have used to come up with this list, btw):

1. “Don’t tase me, bro!”

2. “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for ourgghh.”

3. “In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country.”

4. “That's some nappy-headed hos there.”

5. “I don't recall.”

Can you match the quote to the person who uttered the infamous words?

Don Imus — college student and rabble-rouser Andrew Meyer — Alberto Gonzales — Lauren Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina — Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Check out the entire Top 10 list here for some more of those reckless and hare-brained verbal spews that rang and rattled with venomous viral force around the Net this year. Curiously tho, “Leave Britney alone!” was overlooked. What’s that about? Whatevz… Anyway, I’m sure these would all make some funky-ass t-shirts, don't you think?

3 Off-the-Wall Widget Ideas for the Tired Mac's Desktop

My MacBook Pro's dashboard currently serves up the usual fare of garden-variety widgets—simple, run-of-the-mill apps now ubiquitous on every young, on-the-go professional’s laptop. Here's the breakdown: I have a world clock, a calendar, sticky notes, a dictionary, a unit converter, a calculator, an online translator, and a kooky widget that lets me know the current mood of the world.

This last one is my own personal offbeat selection, downloaded as part of an effort to feel edgy and unique or whatever. It's not cutting it. My drab collection is definitely wanting, as I'm sure you can evidence for yourself.

After checking out the Chuck Norris Facts widget on one of my coworker's computers, I now feel like shaking things up a bit on my own dashboard. However, none of the available widget downloads on the Apple website seem to float my boat.

So here are three pop culture-soaked ideas for non-branded widgets I would put up on my dashboard fa sho:

The Sorceress of Eternia Conspiracy Theory widget: This revisionist app is meant to provide the skeptical cartoon fan a refreshing take on the 80s He-Man episodes. Am I the only one who doesn't buy into the whole “Sorceress is the protector of Grayskull” bit? Didn't think so. This widget can spit out a different theory on the Sorceress' true situation every time you click on it. What's the real need for this doped up bird woman to be all up in that castle cooking up strange potions anyway? Does she continuously pull her tired "I'm fainting" act just to get some attention from muscle retard He-Man? Is she on drugs? Did she cheat Skeletor out of his true home? This widget will let us know.

The Live Blogging for Britney widget: It's like Twitter, but funner. It will be solely focused on Britney and her downward spiral by providing an engaging way to love-hate on this trashy celebrity trainwreck, all in real time. What's Britney doing right now? Are you rooting for her, or hoping she runs over some more paparazzi? Be the first to know about her next trip-up. This widget will give us round-the-clock status updates.

The Literary Devices as Used in Contemporary Media widget: How is syllepsis employed in pop songs? What TV shows are using deus ex machina to try and make sense out of their convoluted plots? Is there a cable news network more prone to the use of alliteration when it comes to the newsticker than others? What's the latest film to employ iambic pentameter in it's dialogue? Check this widget whenever you want to be hit with a pop-culture info nugget of literary wisdom.

These ideas might seem a little off-the-scale for some, but if you ask me, they'd make spot-on apps in today’s world. What widgets would you like to see on you own dashboard? You know you want to share!

Pop! Goes the World (Wide Web)

I love the media because it’s at a frenzy: It brims with postmodern delights, and provides at once disarming and unsettling experiences. It dispatches a myriad of visual and auditory episodes at a constant, rapid-fire rate, forcing even the most jaded introvert to wield at least a dash of pop-culture literacy.

The vortex of media today lies online. The Internet is where television, movies, literature, advertising and art all come together, and as such, digital powers up pop culture in ways unprecedented. It both defines and lends pop media (historical?) significance; what was once a trackless waste of disjointed and oftentimes creatively tone deaf cultural concoctions is now the stuff of online analysis, legend and sticky speculation.

Flummery to some perhaps, saddled with meaning and humor for others, pop culture as captured by online is a dynamic, circuitous, and trashy-chic phenomenon that reflects the absurdity and fleetingness of the human condition. Thanks to digital, it is beginning to take on unexpected importance in business, art, and even architecture, as well as in the day-to-day lives of many online professionals.

From comprehensive sites like Cracked.com offering up pop cultural fare such as assessments on the “15 Most (Painfully) Unforgettable Cartoon Theme Songs” and a rundown of the “7 Most Easily Escapable Movie Monsters,” to ezines like PopMatters, “an international magazine of cultural criticism” where literary condescension is par for the course, online is now where pop culture takes its shape.

There’s no denying it. In the catchy words of Men Without Hats, “pop! goes the world.” And my heart. What about yours?

Creatures on the Canvas: Horror Invades Art

Not for nuthin', but it seems horror is everywhere these days. I've been feeling extra ghoulish of late myself, to be honest. I guess it's because it's Halloween? Whatever the case, I'll start off by apologizing for the back-to-back bizzaro posts on bilious bloodletting and horror hysteria. Next time, I'll author a post dedicated to ponies or something.

But back to it: Today's recommendation is a real treat, both for horror film followers and fine arts fans alike. Go ahead and indulge your inner Tales from the Crypt keeper and check out this "Horror Inside Fine Art" contest by Worth 1000, courtesy of Mario Bucolo Museums Blog, a site which touts itself "a blog about museums and culture."

The contest is a whirl of digital imagination where painting, legend and film collide to provide a raison d'être for pop cultural experimentation; it is digital art at it's best, to be sure. So I say, move over MoMa! Online is where avant garde art lives today.

Anyway, scroll down through all of the Photoshop-enabled creations. “Samara Lisa” is one of my faves, as it's a wry, immaginative twist on the ubiquitous Mona Lisa painting, and out of all the Mona Lisa entries, it's by far the cleverest. “Comte de Darkness” is another one I like, mostly because I'm a big a fan of Legend. “Roticelli” is good too: It looks like the guy in Boticelli's "Portrait of a Youth" took shrapnel to the face before zombiefying, turning this classic painting on its head.

Some entries are lackluster, but whatevz; all are fun. Maybe a few of these could work as crafty Halloween costumes? What do you think? And which entry is your favorite? Let me know, creatures of the night!

Mystery Trailers Hype Gore Galore

Hands down, digital is the ideal medium to hype up and build buzz around an upcoming film, this because online allows marketers to cast a wide-enough digital net across The Long Tail, leverage behavioral targeting techniques with skill, pique curiosity, and hone in on the desired audience with laser-guided precision.

Moreover, the Internet encourages innovative, creative ways to build up a marketing campaign before a movie opens that are not plausible in traditional media and that can help ensure a first weekend box office slam-dunk. This is always a cool phenomenon to watch. I will forever be a sucker for hype, I have to admit, especially when it snowballs online.

So on this note, and after my two-second analysis of the status of online entertainment marketing, I give you three movie trailers meant to leave you with an itchy case of what-was-that whiplash:

1. REPO! The Genetic Opera. Is this a musical? Is it sci-fi? Is it splatter cinema meets musical torture porn? Whatever it is, it looks awesome. Think of it as The Rocky Horror Picture Show, only more gore, less gay. This movie is gonna blow up next year, I'm pretty sure. The fact that Paris Hilton stars (and sings!) in it is a marketing ploy that will pay off in spades. Check out the teaser trailer here.

2. Cloverfield. So no one knows the real name of this much-anticipated, J. J. Abrams-produced monster movie, but many Internets tip "Cloverfield" as the most probable title. This "what the...?" inducing trailer has been causing endless speculation in the mainstream media since it first reared its head in cinemas this past summer, playing for packed movie houses before Transformers, and it's been gaining momentum online ever since. It looks like it will offer audiences a good dose of gory goodness, or at the very least, provide moviegoers with no-frills, feel-good frights and jump-out-of-your-seat jolts. It's one for the books.

3. Mystery movie trailer. Here's a "trailer" that might probably not be a film trailer at all, but the ending is still pretty freaky. If it's not a movie, it totes should be. What the hell is this castaway building?

Handheld camera shots a lá Blair Witch, singing henchmen hell-bent on disembowelment, Internet hype and marketing mayhem. It looks like 2008 will be an interesting year for celluloid. Thoughts?

Way Cool! 80s Pop Culture Explodes Online

Pop culture hit a high note in the 80s, fer sure. Neons and New Wave lit up the land. Are you one of those who yearn for that totally awesome decade? No need to fret: Online offers a veritable treasure trove of 80s digital memorabilia for the pop cultural connoisseur—from movie reviews to photos to trivia and games, you’ll be elated to find anything and everything to quell that bodacious appetite for 80s pop culture. To the max!

By the way, no one can call themselves a true pop cultural literato without a deep-rooted knowledge of the 80s. Don’t know who Max Headroom is? That deserves a techno-stuttered "spazz-o-rama." If you never wanted to play Global Thermonuclear War or wished to be friends with Molly Ringwald, you better start reading up some online. And go buy a Rubik’s cube or something, STAT.

Anyone who doesn’t know the 80s but claims pop cultural supremacy should be dragged through the coals for their heinous crime. For example: I was googling pop cultural quizzes online so I could link to one from this post and was appalled at what I found: quizzes like this one asking users to name all the members of New Found Glory. Please. Gag me with a spoon! (NOTE: I know the answer, but that’s beside the point.)

For all you 80s lovers, here are some online destinations designed to tickle your joystick or floppy disk in all the right places. Wondering if you are a true child of the 80s? Click here and find out. Want to put your 80s movie knowledge to the test? Play this Vh1 game, and decide if you’re more Revenge of the Nerds or Heathers. Finally, for some He-Man turned on it’s head, don’t miss The Skeletor Show. It’s no Jem, but it's still truly outrageous!

So what’s your fave thing about the 80s? Hit me with your best shot!

Fun Times: Kitschy Christianity

Check it out, it's Talking Jesus action figures! I so want one. I wonder if the cross and nails are sold separately? I dunno, but I do believe Wal-Mart totally has the right idea—as long as they make sure there’s no toxic lead paint in these probably Chinese-made toys and whatnot (as one commenter joshed, "How would you go about recalling Jesus?").

And by the way, I think Catholicism is by far the best branch of Christianity. We have loads of nutty fun! Perishable food apparitions, flying nuns, cryptic codes, singing monks, loopy saints, wacky exorcisms. I love it. I’ll forever have a sweet spot for the Catholic in me. So pass down that rosary! I can always use it as a lethal whip to fend off evil doers.

In honor of all this kooky Catholic fun, check out this light-hearted post featured earlier this week on Guanabee poking fun at the latest saintly sighting. It’s Pope John Paul II in a bonfire, you guys!

It's Official: There's No Deep Six'ing Hot Gossip

Can't get enough of Britney, even if her latest slip-ups have entered the realm of the cringe-inducing? Has the celebrity game of musical rehab thrown you into a tizzy? Are you losing sleep over the latest blog trysts with the pseudo-news du jour covering B-listers and celeb-politicians? It's all good. You're not morally off-kilter: It's merely your survival instinct turning tricks, apparently.

No amount of hard facts can stem the rising tide of juicy gossip, and there's an evolutionary reason for this. That's right. Check out this article featured in yesterday's Science section of the New York Times, sent my way by one not-at-all-gossip-averse friend in Brooklyn. The article attests that gossip "promotes the 'indirect reciprocity' that made human society responsible." No matter how rational we may be, hearsay and second-hand accounts way in more heavily on our decision-making process than hard truth and figures. Why? Basically, it helps us get along and thrive as a society and whatnot—scientific fact.

Take that, level-headed lobbyists of fair and balanced journalism! Score, media spinsters and PR! Gossip seems to trump facts time and time again, and molds our society with forceful sway.

Duh. It doesn't take a scientist to tell you this. Publicists have known it all along. But now you know for sure: Even the most artless snoozes care for what others have to say, no matter what they say. It's been hard-coded into our DNA and it is essential for our survival as a species.

So don't buy into the hype that totes gossip as an insidious social evil. It does more good than harm, yes sir. No need to read the studies—you can totally take my word for it.

Next time you see a supermarket tabloid screaming sex and scandal on the news rack next to the latest issue of The Economist, make sure to thank the Creator for our impervious instinct at social prying. It's the reason you and I are alive and kicking—even though our collective psyche may end up a little damaged. In the end, the perception of the truth is more important than truth itself. Dare to disagree?

Your Cell Phone's Rebel Yell

No no, I’m not talking about the ringtone you pulled off some shady site to let everyone else know just how unique or with it you really are. I’m talking about phantom cell phone vibrations! Check out this nutty article featured on Yahoo! News yesterday; it’s right up my alley, and tailor-made for all you crazy cell-phone-and-BlackBerry-toting professionals. It’s creepy, it’s kooky, and it’s a sign o' the times. And I kind of like it!

Is your love affair with your phone causing you ringxiety? It seems a lot of us are sufferers. Here’s one guy quoted in the article who I know a lot of you can totally identify with:

“Jake Ward… claims to ‘pre-feel’ a new message or call. ‘I'll feel it, look at it. It's not vibrating. Then it starts vibrating,’ he said. ‘I am one with my BlackBerry.’”

I like to think I am also one with my tech tools. My laptop’s my favorite friend of them all. I’ve tapped into that otherworldly force much maligned by hokey teen scream movies such as Pulse; but rather than haunt me, this techno-force empowers me.

The iPhone is definitely my next purchase--once the technology becomes available in Costa Rica, that is. I too, want socially sanctioned carte blanche to surf the Web wherever I might be, in detriment of face-to-face interactions. If only I could grow an iPhone off my hip. So what do you think? Are you also a sufferer of “fauxcellarm”?

Church of Pop Becomes Her

I decided to take a cue from copyranter today and partake in random image searches on Google for my next collaborative online project, “Church of Pop” (there’s already a site up online called “The Church of Pop,” which is light years behind from what Church of Pop will be all about--and out of spite, I refuse to link to it). Anyway, my search for “church pop” yielded the above image, among others, on the first SERP.

The art caught my eye; I find it both telling and alluring, aesthetically refined yet eerily empty. So I have decided to post it here on my blog. Think of it as your first look-see at what Church of Pop can offer on-the-go online readers. A sneak peak at a soon-to-be website that will be slathered with pop culture iconography and will swivel with the centrifugal force of instant literary and philosophical allusions. Fast-food philosophy at its best, no doubt.

Sounds heady? Kludgy even? It won’t be! I promise. It’s a fun exercise in postmodern collective self-expression (we're still ironing out a few kinks). Plus, it will include a myriad of lofty analyses from recent pop music hits, dating all the way back to the 70’s. “Um…What?” you may ask. Just wait and see.

So... do you have some ideas to make sure Church of Pop makes waves online? Send them my way!

Our Days Might Be Numbered

Here’s a pre-Halloween treat for all you gore fans shambling sloppily on the Web. Raise the roof for the walking dead! There’s something about zombies that hits a chilling nerve with me. I’m hooked. The whole idea of the dead coming back to create hell on Earth by dismembering the living and eating them alive--especially when converted into social commentary--is at once ridiculous and compelling. On the one hand, zombies are hardly the stuff of political insight, meant only to provoke fear by way of unnatural grotesque (no matter how sucky your day has been, at least your dead uncle isn't munching away at your face, right?). On the flip side--I wonder how much zombies accurately reflect where we stand as a society. Are we surrounded by a social poison that turns thinking men into mindless walking drones? Either way, I find the undead viscerally fascinating.

Anyway, I digress... Back to the main point of this post! In celebration of all things horror (and honoring the fact that it’s a weekend), here are the top four zombie movies I’ve seen of late that I enthusiastically endorse. Check out the clips—nothing beats pints of blood wildly splattering unchecked over rotting minions of undead:

4. Resident Evil 3—So you think you can domesticate zombies? Think again! And who knew the undead didn’t even need human flesh to survive? They just crave carnage, apparently. Click for the trailer here.

3. 28 Weeks Later—Because the Dad turns zombie and still manages to skillfully open doors with his all-access pass. And what about the two-second microscopic glimpse we get at infected blood? Awesome!

2. Dawn of the Dead—The remake. There’s nothing more terrifying than that little girl at the beginning of the movie who everyone thinks is Sarah Polley’s daughter creepily jolting up into place and then charging at the bedroom hungry for flesh.

1. 28 Days Later—Slice up your friends no-mercy style! Who cares if there’s a chance they might not be infected? Now here’s a movie that gets it. I know, I know, they’re not really zombies, as they haven’t technically died yet. Whatever. The infected in this film still own any other zombies out there.

I heart zombies. Do you have any films to recommend? Let me know… and long live the undead!

Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Pop Ups

Digital media pulls at and molds our everyday experiences in ways unquantifiable. The impact is as exciting as it is difficult to pinpoint; however, as more of us turn to the Internet as our primary means of communication and entertainment, everyday life seems to blur ever more speedily into a postmodern swirl of haphazard and disjointed media experiences.

During an energetic conversation with friends today over Taco Bell takeout and mystery soda, we ended up discussing the possibility that Humpty Dumpty was actually left-handed. Our revisionist theorizations on old-school nursery rhymes were punctuated by ADD-style literary remarks and wacky and disconnected (Western) cultural references. At one point, when I felt my head was spinning out of control into a colorful oblivion of pop media imagery, a friend of mine snapped: “This conversation has too many pop ups!” Ha! What a spot-on way of putting it. I felt Flash ActionScript bubbles and link preview panes popping up around us faster than Google generates an HTML search engine results page. Amidst the multilateral, all-over-the-place back-and-forths, we managed to stay on track. We concluded that Humpty Dumpty was in fact left-handed: The coming together of our disparate media musings confirmed this.

Vh1 was way ahead of its time indeed. Just like the info-nuggets on Pop Up Video, we need maps and callouts to guide us through the maze that is the media so we can focus on the topic at hand and still be true to the tenants of postmodernism. The digital realm is the key. Need to get something on lock? Look it up, blog about it and link to it, no matter how random it may seem. In the end, everything will strangely jive together!

Calling Occupants of Cyber-Commentary Craft

The Internet is all sorts of wacky. This is exactly what makes cyberspace great. Internet A-listers shine not because of their accomplishments, insights or constructive contributions to society, but because of their kooky, off-center, and downright outrageous views and behaviors. After watching the first Chris Crocker video a few weeks back—you know, the “Leave Britney Alone!” vid that sent shockwaves of discomfiting disbelief across all things digital—I was suddenly convinced that I needed a new spark for my line.

My conclusion: I need a cause of some sort that will give me license to yell at and slander others and perhaps even victimize myself somehow. I used to marvel: Why are online commentators so quick to slam each other and troll around in websites and tell each other off using crafty word puns and clever pop cultural references? Now, however, I wonder: Who do I have to unapologetically offend or severely freak out to guarantee myself a first-class ticket on the digital controversy train and ride it all the way to the topsy-turvy lands of I’ve-finally-made-it-online?

Of course, I’m only kidding. I do not want the kind of decadent digital destiny that has cemented others into public ridicule and hyper-scrutiny online, nor do I wish to hurl insults left and right. Yet, I would be lying to myself if I didn’t confess I do want some of the magic and magnetism that a lot of high-profile onliners seem to wield. To them I say: “Cyber-commenters, I am your friend!” I know, there’s a fine line between the sublime and the ridiculous, between the offensive and the funny, and between the compelling and the put-me-to-sleep boring; but if I want to keep making a mark, I need to go bold. So keep sending those digital light bulbs my way!

Looks Like She's Got a Lot of Yogurt Left

Commenters really know how to bring it. For me, they make the blog experience that much more worthwhile (and volatile). In fact, most times I find myself clicking on a headline simply to check out how the readers themselves have illuminated a particular story through their quirky insights. So there’s a clip of Kid Nation on Gawker? I need to get on that right away. After all, I wanna weigh in on the show myself—but more than that, I can’t wait to read the snappy, snarky comments I know will make me grin, smirk, and simper as I scroll down below the fold.

For example: I was happily scanning a post this morning on Jezebel.com that spotlighted a story from today’s Wall Street Journal analyzing the lives and loves of New York’s most prominent socialites. Of course, the post included a not-so-hot photo of socialite Fabiola Beracasa with flat hair (that's the photo of her above). The first comment on the string: “That is NOT a good haircut for a head that size. I'm quite glad I have no clue who that is.” LOL. That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all morning.

First off, the commenter is dead on about the hair—it looks like someone plastered her coif down to make her head seem super-large (and the post is all about how she goes to the stylist every day. Awesome). And secondly, and perhaps more importantly--the user doesn’t even know who this person is (why should anyone, really?), nevertheless decides to not only read the post, but to comment on it by assessing the chick's 'do. Too funny.

So here’s the deal: Even for posts that read perfunctory, comments manage to add a level of dimension, depth, and wit (not to mention immediacy) that make reading them a tasty treat. There's no way to hedge a bullet once commenters chime in.

After the premiere of Gossip Girl the other night, the put-down-of-the-moment on comment strings and blogs alike has become “looks like you’ve got a lot of yogurt left.” Don’t know what this means? Don’t worry, I don’t know if anyone really does. But that’s the whole point, and that’s what makes it funny—it made no sense when Blair cut Serena with that one-liner on the show, and it still makes no sense now (maybe it's some sort of fat girl joke?). But Web commenters have made it their own, and in no time, I’m sure many will be using it to deride their most cherished frenemies. I hate to say it, but Fabiola, it looks like you've got a lot of yogurt left.

As Bloggers Collide

I sometimes wonder if what the technology naysayers keep arguing is true--are they correct in chiding the Internet for dehumanizing users and separating us from one another? Have some of us spot-welded ourselves into a place where we value the digital experience more so than real life, in detriment of our human condition? I’ve heard it said by some techno-geeks that their Second Life is much more exciting than their regular life; and yesterday, I found myself reading a post in Gawker about a high-profile break-up between two bloggers that “sent Internets reeling.” It was one of the most popular stories of the day on Gawker: A couple of Internet-spawned pseudo-celebrities had made their falling out a public affair through various acrimonious, snobby, and ridiculous blog posts. And after eyeballing the comments, I confirmed with amazement just what the title of the post declared with deadpan assurance—the breakup did in fact throw many an Internet user into a tizzy.

So who are these bloggers that Gawker has focused so much attention on? Julia what? Jakob who? Why do some people care so much about these totally random (and unattractive) people? Does anyone even know them in real life? How much sway do they have over the digital landscape that makes the announcement of their breakup more appealing to Gawker readers that the latest Britney post? I wonder if these two former “lovers” ever even met each other outside of the blogosphere. Maybe they never consummated their now defunct relationship, aside from a few attempts at cybersex. Or maybe they’ve gotten so good at cybering they don’t feel the need to go at it in real life? Scary thought.

Behold a snippet of text from the breakup e-mail that did the relationship in:

“I am not capable of giving you what you deserve in a relationship, even an ‘alternative’ relationship, so, we should stop seeing each other.”

Um, what? I wonder what the dude means by ‘alternative.” I wonder if by “stop seeing each other” he means to stop IM’ing each other and to put and end to cheesy photo-sharing. I wonder if by “not capable of giving you what you deserve in a relationship” he is implying that he could never pry himself away from his computer long enough to rendezvous with her in real life.

Online break-ups make good drama, and even though I didn’t know these people when I started reading the Gawker post, I was immediately enthralled by the story and unexpectedly pulled into their lives—I definitely know who they are now. In the future, if I see a post on Julia Allison or Jakob Lodwick, I’ll probably check it out. Is this keeping me from living a life of my own, or does it just mean I’m hip to the times and that I know how to leverage online to add significance to and enjoy my life offline? I'm really hoping it's the latter...

More Than a Chatroom With a View

One of my favorite activities during high school and college, back when I had idle time to relax and enjoy TV on a regular basis, was to watch music videos and trash-talk with my friends about how ridiculous or retarded pop videos had become. We picked apart every single element with pretentious posturing ("ugh, it's obvious that that video is a rip-off of Kubrick’s Lolita" or "what an insipid use of irony" or even "those dancers are so busted-looking"), and it was super fun. I thought this was a thing of the past for me. And then the other night, in between closing project tickets online, QA'ing copy for a client, and getting up to speed on the latest Manhattan gossip, I started watching a music video on YouTube called "D.A.N.C.E." by Justice (great video, by the way, I highly recommend it--more so if you are a self-professed hipster). Out of nowhere, on one of the guys' t-shrts featured in the video, the words "Internet Killed the Video Star" flashed in retro eighties colors. Woah.

While the idea is nothing new, I realized all of a sudden that what I used to do before with my friends I do it now online with strangers, on YouTube and Break and MetaCafe and even Facebook. I still love to watch videos and psychoanalyze them to death and pretend I am too cool to walk this Earth, but today I do it online. I am one of those avid commenters that always has something to say about a clip I see on the Web. And then there's the insta-satisfaction I get when reading the comments offered up so freely by other users--sometimes mean-spirited, oftentimes grammarless and retarded, other times thoughtful and insightful, but usually very funny (not to mention random). For me, the World Wide Web is one giant chatroom--a chatroom with a view.

What is TMZ.com if not a digital free-for-all where we all can satisfy our inner voyeur by trashing celebrities from our high horse, along with other users? It's watching TV with our friends, but times ten. The Internet is about looking, but more importantly, it is about participating. Sure, television can satisfy and titillate, but it doesn't captivate or connect in the ways that the Internet does. The music video I saw last night got me thinking: The Internet appeals to the senses much like TV does (through sight and sound), except it also incorporates an extra level of engagement--the sense of touch. By typing away and mousing objects around, users have an active role in shaping the digital media landscape, and this power is evident with every Submit button we click on, every photo we tag, every experience we rate, and every comment we share.

A Cliché by Any Other Name

As a writer, I’m always looking for just the right words to accurately describe situations, objects, and ideas, and oftentimes I find myself resorting to the use of clichés to do so. Does this mean I am a lazy writer, or does it somehow show superior skill when it comes to putting together sentences? The question haunts me almost daily. I am never completely convinced if I should steer clear of clichés or if I should leverage them. After all, they've been used so many times by so many different people that they've lost their expressive power, right? Will using a cliché help me bring my point home or simply make my writing seem trite?

To wrap your head around just what I am talking about, check out ClicheSite.com, the site with the largest list of clichés, euphemisms, and figures of speech, “complete with definitions and explanations.” For a writer, this site can be a treasure trove of inspiration, a literary toolbox of sorts. Or can it? I’m inclined to think that many phrases listed in this site are value-added expressions that can offer relevance and immediacy when it comes to our day-to-day conversations, and in most instances can be more effective than any high-brow term or far-reaching phrase that could be used in their place. But I also believe that relying too heavily on clichés will render your writing innocuous and give it a pre-fabricated feel, leaving readers with a stale, styrofoamy aftertaste. Writing should be lively, original and engaging, not an robotic exercise saturated with grammatical one-trick ponies and pre-packaged literary devices coming at you rapid-fire style.

Does it all depend on the audience you intend to reach? Ah, there’s the rub. Some think of clichés as roadkill metaphors, and maintain that using them in writing is simply a shortcut to thinking--no matter who the audience is. Other opine that when carefully selected, clichés will actually spice up even the must dull, threadbare writing (technical documentation, anyone?). Whether a stymied writer or clever word artist, using clichés is almost always a tricky ordeal. The best way to use a cliché? Turn it upside down and inside out to convey something entirely new; that way you’ll be sure to make waves with your readers by cleverly pounding them with surprises. Yes?